Tag: mindset coaching

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Life Coaching Uncategorized

Is Life Coaching Worth It? 3 Answers To Absolutely Consider Before You Hire A Life Coach

That’s a really great question, “is life coaching worth it?” You will get YOUR clear answer in this article. The answer is yes, no, and maybe and that is as honest an answer as anyone could ever give or receive in regards to that question. Looking at the question again, is life coaching worth it we need to put quotations around the “it” aspect of the query. Why do we need to do that? Because the “it” opens doors to more than one viewpoint, what it are we talking about? Again, we are going to fully answer that question throughout this article.

Is life Coaching Worth It? No…

Let Me Tell You Yesterday (This is Not When You Want to Hire A Life Coach)

Is life coaching worth it? Let’s imagine the it being you interested in hiring a life coach to talk about your past. I would say without a doubt normally it is not worth it. There is only so much a life coach can do when it comes to discussing your past, because they are not equipped (normally) to do that!

If you want to hire a life coach, you should do so when you are trying to move forward. As I mentioned in our “Life Coaching” article that really breaks down what life coaching is I mentioned we help in a forward moving sense. Life coaches are not therapists. Therapists, albeit some life coaches, do have the proper training and education to help you.

Is it Worth it to Hire a Life Coach to Tell Me What To Do?

Negative, this is where you want a consultant. Personally I mix the two together very effectively, I was a consultant/advisor and I am also a pretty highly sought after Christian life coach. A consultant or advisor are brought in to literally do that. A coach, life coach or mindset coach, mainly bring the best out of you. I personally feel a sense of obligation to make more recommendations that the average coach, but I cannot tell you how to completely live your life. No life coach or even consultant can do that! Just like there is a difference between life coaches and therapists, consulting and life coaching are also different creatures.

Part of the beauty of coaching is the empowerment you get. A lot of the ideas and goals that, or at least should, come out of a coaching session come from you. I’ve seen too many times to count where ther coachee (that’s you) mentions something after my probing that is monumental for them. There’s a few reasons for this empowerment also:

Sometimes coachees aren’t as open with us as they should be.
We don’t walk in your shoes, we can’t fully understand the impact a decision would have on you!
The probing questions bring up things you may not normally have considered

All of these shine light toward the importance of coaching versus consulting or telling you what to do.

is hiring a life coach worth it

Is Life Coaching Worth It? Maybe….

What does the word maybe have in it (it being the word itself)? That’s an important question to ask yourself when pondering the question of is life coaching worth it. If you are completely unsure where you want to go, is hiring a life coach worth it starts to shift toward a no. If you are stuck between maybe 4 different avenues, then is hiring a life coach worth it shoots up to an easy yes.

The maybe answer comes to that question, is life coaching worth it with another dilemma. Are you willing to put in the work of make changes. If that answer is a maybe, then maybe is life coaching worth it becomes a nope again. If your willingness hinges on the scope of the actions or changes your really need to consider how much this change is worth to you. If it’s worth a lot, then absolutely will “is life coaching worth it” become a resounding yes.

Is Life Coaching Worth It? Absolutely YES!

Is Life Coaching Worth It? The Final Answer Before You Hire a Life Coach.

Is hiring a life coach worth it? Is life coaching worth it? Yes, it absolutely is if…..

You want more than “what do I do next” (and if you don’t you have to find out if the individual is the right one before you hire a life coach. As I said above, some life coaches like myself can mix advising and coaching. Most unfortunately do not have the experience to do that.

Is life coaching worth it becomes a heck yes if you are willing to follow through on your plan. If you’re not, you need to consider your motivation and whether or not your desire to hire a life coach is basically an impulse you’re feeling.

If you are ready for change and want more than a motivational speaker the answer to “is life coaching worth it” is a slam dunk yes. This is where most coaches shine! If you want to change and are excited or even anxious about it than you surely would want to hire a life coach. Motivational speeches or speaking could be part of the sessions, but that is more along the lines of an accountability partner. Coaches will do their best to pep you up and encourage you, but motivational speaking is left normally for the coaches who literally do that.

In the end, “is life coaching worth it?” is a question that only you have an answer to. Don’t forget, aside from life coaches there are other coaches too! Read about the many different types of coaches over here. If you have any other questions before you go and hire a life coach feel free to list them below and we will be sure to answer you!

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Relationship Coaching Relationship Problems Uncategorized

Can You Fix a Codependent Relationship? Yes – Here Are 5 More Ways Starting Today

can you fix a codependent relationship can you fix a codependent marriage

The last post we covered how to save a codependent relationship and we listed off 5 of 10 ways that are known to help fix a codependent relationship. Again, they take work! I may sound like a broken record, but once it sticks it will make sense. The reason it takes time to fix a codependent relationship, or really any habit or trait we have developed over time, is because we learn through repetition. We like, as living things do, to follow the path of least resistance. That includes when we want to find joy in life and salvage as well as fix a codependent relationship.

Because we have to pay the bills, and because we have seen truly remarkable results – here is a commercial space for our Lasting Change course. And yes, it has helped people who struggle with codependency issues! Click the banner below and then come back and finish reading this article.

can you fix a codependent relationship

Get Ready for Resistance When You Begin to Fix a Codependent Relationship

Who likes change? Nobody, and when you are serving the needs day in and day out as a people pleaser, the one receiving may push back hard. When you are working toward trying to fix a codependent relationship, you will probably face resistance. I have seen this a few times in my intimate relationships, especially lately. And although I am not actively trying to fix a codependent relationship, I saw areas where they could.

One situation was where someone was cleaning a packed car and I went over to drop something off. She was stressed to the max and was cleaning the car out in the heat. She asked a few people for a hand and nobody did, but they were quick with the gripes on how long it took and that they were running late for vacation. So I gave her a hand. She didn’t know what to do with herself, when I help especially if it’s a stressful situation I pretty much take over and “clean house” effectively.

It is typical for her to do a lot to please other people. That’s “who she is” because that’s who she let’s herself be. She was never a client, but a close friend/ex. She is slowly growing boundaries and although I don’t agree with them, there is some progress. She gets resistance when she asks for help. When she tries to make changes, people think the world is going to end! Easy Street gets a detour and it is typically not well received. If you want to fix a codependent relationship, you need to place a detour sign on easy street…

Although her experience was with a family, it just goes to show you can fix a codependent relationship that isn’t romantic. It can be in the house, in a work place, in a club. You name it, you can find a codependent relationship in any situation. My favorite book that explains this in the simplest terms is “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie” which I HIGHLY encourage adults to read for themselves as well as their children.

Practice Saying No

can you fix a codependent relationship can you fix a codependent marriage

Saying no to people you love, especially when you are trying to fix a codependent relationship can be very tough. You’re used to saying yes, and it’s all but assumed you will say yes. This gets dicey when you start enacting change. You know you want to say no, but it’s almost like the word gets stuck leaving your mouth, right?

There’s freedom in saying no though! Much more than guilt or shame. When you’re trying to fix a codependent relationship saying no is important. What you’re doing is slowly increasing your role in the relationship. You’re justified in doing so, because it’s a relationship not a master/servant scenario.

Look Through the Eyes of Someone Else

I used to love playing pretend as a child, and it taught me how to be empathetic and really understand where people were coming from. When you are trying to fix a codependent relationship that could be the best way to start. Even if you don’t start here, it really needs to be in the plans.

You can do this yourself, or literally by asking someone outside of the codependent relationship what their thoughts are. What do they suggest? Another way is to look at your relationship through their eyes. If you were them, how would they fix your relationship? Or actually, how would you fix theirs, that makes more sense to ask it that way.

Fix A Codependent Relationship With Help!

save your codependent relationship

If things in your relationship started great but got tougher, or you felt more pressure, as time went on it may be wise to get help. We obviously help with this all the time and you can contact us here for our relationship coaching or simply you for life coaching! In life we normally need a second set of eyes as it is no different when you are trying to fix a codependent relationship! Sometimes outside, professional help is needed and that’s okay!

Ask for Help to Fix a Codependent Relationship, Start Small!

Practice small things like if you, for example, typically clear off the table after dinner ask for people to scrape their plates into the rubbish! It starts with the small stuff. What you’re doing when you do this is slowly getting used to asking for help, and importantly letting people realize even if subconsciously that you may need a hand!

Start Taking Space up to Fix a Codependent Relationship!

Some people call this finding their voice, I call it taking space. Either way this is when you would slowly start interjecting yourself into the decisions and choices. You would be voicing your opinion, you would be taking your share of the relationship. This is typically the culmination for most people when they successfully fix a codependent relationship.

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Mindset Coaching Relationship Coaching

11 Ways on How to Handle Resentment Against Someone Starting Now!

Resentments are no fun at all. In our last post we looked at what could be triggers for resentment. Without having too long of a post, I decided we could just do a Part 2 if you would. This post is all about how to handle resentment against someone, probably the first of many. You could also say it’s how to handle resentment, but we need a target. Not for practice, but how to overcome that resentment because at the end of the day, all it is going to do is wear you down. Who needs more stress in their day? I’d say nobody, let’s look at the ways on how to handle resent against someone.

How to handle resentment against someone? Start With Acceptance!

how to handle resentment against someone

Nobody wants to accept the fact they harbor ill feelings against someone, however this is the number one place if you want to work on how to handle resentment against someone. You’re going to have to practice acceptance of how you feel. Your emotions are valid. This isn’t good for just handling a resentment, but negative emotions toward another person in general.

What happens when we allow ourselves to accept and feel our emotions? It’s the beginning of a freedom feeling. Trust me, I’ve been there and you have to “feel it to believe it!” One common mistake people make when trying to accept their feelings is they bottle them up. This isn’t just counter productive, it can be dangerous for your mental health! Have you ever seen an individual simply “lose it” for no reason, or maybe because their was a spec of food left over on a plate? Not allowing yourself to feel your feelings is not a good place to be in. It’s added stress which is not good and works against how to handle resentment against someone!

Think of a backpack that is stuffed beyond what it is capable of holding, or a volcano with an incredible amount of gasses and whatever else they have inside them. What is going to happen if more gasses build up or we try and stretch the backpack a bit more? There’s a tremendously higher chance it will blow up, right?

emotional freedom how to handle resentment against someone

Sticking with acceptance regarding how to handle resentment against someone, you may want to take a review on our article on self talk. The reason I suggest that is because you are going to need to remember to be kind to yourself. This is especially true if you’ve been “packing the backpack” for a while. You’re going to have all sort of emotions and thoughts come up! Imagine clearing out the drain for the kitchen sink in a house that’s poured a gallon of grease down it a day. It will probably take a while to get it all out and some of it may come up out of the blue. That’s okay! When working on how to handle a resentment against someone, your drain may occasionally keep burping stuff up. Don’t push it back down, get rid of it. You need to be your own best friend here.

Don’t rush to judgement against yourself either! This goes back to mindset coaching techniques where we practice nice, pleasant, uplifting self talk. This is especially true if you are hard on yourself by nature! You may want to say “I worked on how to handle resentment against someone and look, a week later I am still dealing with it!” It’s not fair to judge yourself including how you feel. Again, your feelings are valid.

In “Conquer Fear” I wrote about the Serenity Prayer. If Christianity isn’t your thing, I apologize. For me, it works tremendously and is a part of almost everything I do. This next part of this article will speak specifically on that, a Christian viewpoint. Why is knowing how to handle resentment against someone important for a Christian? Because it’s sin… and we are called to not sin, right? Look at this verse and think about it:

Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother, then come and offer your gift.

Matthew 5:23-24

One of the most profound things I learned while working toward my Master’s degree was that God is the Great Counselor. He’s more than a few pay grades above me, and I am not ashamed to say that I have had countless sessions with Him. When I am surrendering my recovery and sobriety to Him daily, if there’s something there He gives a reminder. It’s almost like He is saying “Hey Jay, thanks for trying to glorify me! BUT, you sort of need to go over these feelings against someone first.” God knows a thing or two about how to handle resentment against someone.

We are humans who follow Christ. We are going to run into roadblocks and could stumble. But working on your relationship with Him and expressing your feelings to Him is freeing. Very freeing. It’s also freeing to discuss them with a close friend. Maybe we can’t, nor should we, immediately go directly to the source of our hurt. Processing our feelings is where we need to start. There’s wisdom in counsel, that’s discussed in the Word also!

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Mindset Coaching Uncategorized

Am I In A Codependent Relationship? 10 Ways to Know AND Ways to (Potentially) Save It!

What Is A Codependent Relationship?

In layman’s terms, a codependent relationship is a crappy relationship that will leave you feeling nervous, empty, and not happy. Another way to describe this type of red flag relationship is that it typically contains a giver and a taker. They can start very subtly and grow into a beast that can be tough to see, but there are ways out! So how do we figure out if we are in one? We have a list below with 10 “symptoms”. And also a quiz that can be taken here.

In a Codependent Relationship You Don’t Matter!

To everyone else you may, but to you they come before first. Way before you. In fact if you are the giver, you probably can’t afford to offer yourself self care (say that 10 times fast). It is extremely common to feel good when the taker is happy, it is also common for you to feel extremely guilty when you find yourself enjoying yourself. What is really scary about this symptom of a codependent relationship is that eventually you begin trying to pour from an empty cup.

It’s An Extremely One Sided Relationship. A One Sided Codependent Relationship

I sort of hinted in the opening paragraph about this one. It’s possible to have two codependent people in a relationship, however a giver and taker are more common. This symptoms has one person being a harder worker, picking up the slack for someone without necessarily realizing it. For example, the giver works all day and comes home and does whatever they asked the taker to do. There may be resentment, but typically nothing is said.

one way relationship

“I have to Save Them… From Themselves!”

This is where the giver acts more like a caregiver than a friend or significant other. What are you saving them from? It could be their addiction, it could be their anger also, do they “not do things” right in your eyes and you have to help them? You can feel like you want their “issues” to be solved more than anyone, including themselves! At the end of the day it is entirely up to them to create a lasting change. That includes all of their flaws, addictions, and whatever else is wrong for them. If you’re the sole care taker for them and they keep making the same mistakes you my friend are in a codependent relationship.

You’re The Potter, They’re The Clay

codependent relationship signs of codependent relationship codependent relationship quiz

This sign of a codependent relationship is extremely unhealthy. If you were someone else looking at it, you would probably even say “they don’t even really love them because they are trying to change them!” This is where the idea of the potter and the clay come in. You have them in this heap and you are constantly trying to adjust and decorate them so they become more of your dream person.

Take It Easy? Get Out of Here With That Evil Talk!

Similar, all of these traits are if you think about it, to another symptom of a codependent relationship this focuses on your selfishness. Do you feel off when you’re taking care of them? Asked in another way, when you’re by yourself with your feet in grass at a park or in a stream do you feel selfish for not doing something for them? Doing what? Well you should be doing something for them instead of taking care of yourself, right?

“Feeling excessive guilt for doing anything for yourself is another major characteristic,”

Dr. Derrig

How Do You Feel About Your Relationship? Well That’s a Tricky Question…

Do you find it tough to realize what is tough and what is glorious in your relationship? Is it a relationship where you have mixed feelings or emotions about, well all of it? Reflection is a beautiful and powerful tool we can use in life, and we thoroughly encourage it when we are engaged in mindset coaching. When you’re in a codependent relationship you find yourself more worried about their feelings than yours. The next one is a huge sign. Look at it after this picture break.

the most codependent creature alive
She is probably the most codependent “person” I know. She’s a sweetheart though.

Where Are They? I’m About to Freak Out!

One of the most common signs of a codependent relationship is feeling sick, worried, nervous, or that the world is going to fall apart if you haven’t heard from them. Have they read your message is a thought you wonder constantly, are they okay?! They must be doing something wrong or they could be in trouble. Quickly to the Stress Mobile to go and rescue them! Is that how it goes in your head? This is a symptom that you are in a codependent relationship. “Why am I like this?!” Well, it’s become you have probably become dependent on them, hence the term codependent relationship.

There’s Nobody Here!

Another sign you have entered or helped to create a codependent relationship is that you have trouble being alone. This can be either from the taker of the relationship or the fact you literally can’t care (read it as self care) for yourself. This is extremely common and a potential root cause has been from over-involved or under-involved parents when you were a little drool tot yourself. When you’re alone, you can’t put your focus into someone else and that bothers you.

I Can’t Make It Fred Has 5 Minutes Off in 5 Hours so I have to Be Available

If you are routinely cancelling plans because you need to spend time with your partner or whoever is the taker you are in a what? A codependent relationship, great guess! You may cancel plans with your family or other things, even attending a concert you were really looking forward to! Again, this is another red flag relationship symptom.

Your Home Isn’t Your Home

Did you ever redecorate something to make it more like home, for someone else? There is nothing wrong at all with making someone feel comfortable in your house, the difficulty comes when you make it all theirs. Here’s a tip if you get really down the second they leave, reorganize a small itty bitty section so that it feels more like “yours” when they aren’t there.

“I Hate to Bug You But… Nevermind, I’m Sorry”

Hate speaking up and voicing your opinion to them? You don’t feel like you are intimidated by them, but you need them happy and speaking up, well you may hear something you do not want to. Did I nail this one in your relationship? If so, let’s talk. This one hits home and even until somewhat recently maybe a year ago I was personally stuck here. I’m not anymore and that makes me feel tremendously free. In this symptom/sign of a codependent relationship you’re literally pushing your feelings aside and not giving them a chance to be validated. Guess what…. YOU have valid feelings!

The Big One…. B-B-B-Boundaries.. YIKES!

You finally get the guts and smallest sense of self worth to speak up and place boundaries, but they spiral out of control! The taker loses their crap, right? Setting up boundaries is going to be different and potentially scary for anyone involved. It’s different, right? It’s uncomfortable and they may feel like you are almost taking away from them! Welcome to the pain of a codependent relationship.

How Can We (Maybe) Save a Codependent Relationship?

codependent relationship quiz codependent relationship examples

I am really strict (read also being adamant) about my boundaries being respected, but in the beginning it was tough. When I took a step back and saw the pains and hell of a codependent relationship, I became aware that the negatives outweighed the positives. Most of the list I can easily relate to. I took some time for myself and I started to flourish. We had a very good patch after, but my biggest change was realizing I didn’t need her. I wanted her. I needed God first and foremost! I mean, He did save me from severe alcoholism.. Anywho there’s my mini testimonial. If the relationship was to be saved, how would we do it? Let’s look at the condensed list below, or you can jump into the Lasting Change Course we created! People are loving it and there’s amazing discounts that go along with it! Grab it right here, you won’t regret it!

Can it be Saved? Here’s The List!

  • Get UNBIASED (incredibly important) OUTSIDE perspective and CONSIDER that insight
  • Work on it together, do all parties want a healthy relationship? Get to working on it!
  • How is your value system doing these days? MAKE time to reflect – this is healthy and something we NEED to do in life! No guilt about it either.
  • Look at your earliest relationships, has this been a common trend?
  • Agree on the healthy boundaries! (Coach Jay is a beast at this when used as a “referee”), set them, and work on them! Do not expect perfection overnight
  • Be dedicated to the process of healing your codependent relationship.
  • Allow the giver to take. If the taker is reading this, be comfortable giving a little.
  • We all have feelings, EXPRESS THEM and when you get them toward you, ask for explanation when you are not sure!
  • Realize you are in a codependent relationship and you want it fixed!

Should I Leave?

If it is obscenely abusive emotionally or mentally, yes. If it’s physical GET OUT OF THERE! Those are literally the signs.

I Am In A Codependent Relationship, What do I do Now?!

There are a few things you can do. Get cracking on the “Can I Save it List”. Grab a consultation with us, explain the situation and we will help you work out a plan to get it done. If it’s safe (important consideration) for your physical safety, sign up for our Relationship Coaching and we will get through this together! Realize this is a process and there has to be change and take advantage of our course at it’s low price that you can use again and again and again! Grab the Guided Steps Lasting Change Course Here.

Realize This…

You matter, you have feelings, you have opinions, you have ideas. You have this ONE life and it is not too late to start turning it around NOW. The power is in your hands to change. Start believing in yourself because I sure believe in you. It’s time to stop the codependent relationship and enjoy a fruit bearing, mutually beneficial, and exciting relationship!

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Mindset Coaching

2 Anxiety Relief Tips: Guided Imagery and Deep Breathing

anxiety relief tips guided imagery deep breathing diaphragmatic breathing stress relief reduce anxiety

Anxiety relief is not talked about nearly as much as it should be. I’ll start by saying anyone can do this! But if you can barely make it out the door without freaking out, you need a therapist and that’s okay. Therapy has this stigma about it that you’re a nut job if you go, that’s not the case. Some people have issues that need monitored care, we are all people and handle things differently! I’m also going to quickly plug our new course which people are LOVING called Lasting Change – no anxiety with that course!

This post was inspired by an absolutely gorgeous woman inside and out, she really should be considered for sainthood when she kicks, and she got me thinking about anxiety relief. Then it hit me that most of my friends and loved ones have some issue with anxiety! I mean, I’m anxious to see if people will wisen up in two years when it’s election time, but no politics. So without further delay let’s check out how guided imagery and deep breathing can help with anxiety relief and I bet you’ll agree they are some pretty dandy anxiety relief tips!

What is Deep Breathing and Does it Really Help With Anxiety Relief?

What does deep breathing sound like it is? It’s exactly that, and I have been practicing it for over a decade now. Deep breathing is also known as intentional breathing “deep”ending (see what I did there?) on who you speak with, their vernacular, as well as their level of geekiness. I’m a moderate geek so I go with deep breathing, also some people who rank very high up on the geek scale will call it diaphragmatic breathing. It’s something you can do literally anywhere, however one thing to watch out for is dizziness! I tried this once in traffic and felt extremely odd, but that passes.

What we are doing with deep breathing is we are inhaling through our nose slowly, holding it in our now full lungs, and breathing out slowly. Sit in a comfortable chair and do this, or lay down. I have an easier time falling asleep when I do this laying down. Not only is this great to do for relieving stress and anxiety, it has the possibility of having some physical benefits too. Some worth noting are potentially stabilizing blood pressure and slowing down your heart rate. Pretty nifty right?

Guided Imagery is What Exactly, and How Do Mental Pictures Help With Anxiety Relief?

This is a really cool exercise to do and trust me, it helps – big time! In fact I know people who could be having a meltdown, take a fast break by jumping into some guided imagery and come back on fire. Not literally because then I wouldn’t explain it to you. This takes your entire imagination and can eventually have you using all five senses at once. I will listen to Gregorian chants or something like that when doing this, but you can really do it anywhere with any type of music although I would recommend a soothing violin playing versus Janis Joplin.

Isn’t This Against Christianity?

It absolutely is not, I picture myself in Christs presence all the time when I am doing this. Occasionally I will picture myself preaching to someone. I go to my happy place mentally when I do this. You can get in trouble if you have naughty thoughts going through your mind, but that’s between you and God. For me focusing on God is the best form of anxiety relief around.

anxiety relief tips guided imagery deep breathing diaphragmatic breathing stress relief reduce anxiety

Guided Imagery and Deep Breathing in Action Providing You With Anxiety Relief

Going back to the woman who inspired this post she likes beautiful things.So here’s what we will do, imagine there’s a harp playing softly. There’s a window open to rolling green field with mountains in the back drop. You are near an open window. In the window are freshly cut lilacs filling the room with their scent. As you deeply breath in, you smell them. Breath a little deeper and hold their aroma in your lungs. Slowly breathing out. As you’re breathing out, the anxiety is fighting to stay. But it’s having trouble staying as it is trapped in each breath you hold in. As you slowly exhale the Holy Spirit guides your anxiety out, more each time you exhale. As you watch out the window you see a bird land on your window sill. It takes a peaceful poo and flies away. With each gentle breeze you feel the warmth of the sun hitting your face as the smell of the lilacs become stronger. As you feel relaxed, you tell yourself that everything is okay and you will go share this post now.

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Mindset Coaching

Mindset Coaching Technique: How Self Talk Can Kill Your Progress and 5 Ways to Change It

self mindset coaching technique ruth bell graham epitaph tombstone life coaching and using positive self talk

Mindset Coaching Technique You Drop The Ball On!

Do you know there’s someone you are around literally all day that can either be a foe or an ally, often not on purpose? That’s you! Self talk is a mindset technique that many people use by nature. From the conversations I’ve heard people having with themselves, it seems they are almost trying to set themselves up to fail! When it comes to mindset coaching techniques you can do at home, there’s one that could be obvious to work on but it normally isn’t. Positive self talk!

Do These Examples Fit You?

  • As soon as you open your eyes, you say you’re going to have a bad day
  • You sin without even thinking about it and you shame shame yourself perpetually
  • You always pick the losers, you’re either going to be single forever or end up miserable
  • Can you try not to screw this up again?
  • You really can’t do anything right can you?
  • You’ve really just wasted your life and can’t do anything with the rest of it.
  • You’re such an idiot.
  • Don’t talk, your probably going to embarrass yourself as usual!
  • You should have led that person to Christ, why didn’t you say anything you failure?
  • What a dumby, you really thought you could handle one drink??!! Years later, look at you, you’re a wreck!
  • You can’t teach an old dog new tricks, I’m going to be a loser forever.

Imagine hearing things like what’s above or similar to it. Day in and day out. Week after week and month after month. Doesn’t it make sense you may actually believe it? Many people get snared by using poor self talk; when in all actuality you could be using an incredible mindset coaching technique, or more which you will find below! These are a few of the mindset coaching techniques we use ourselves to help change your way of thinking and seeing yourself.

If you’re saying negative ideas or statements first thing in the morning, you probably will have a rough time having a good day. Think about that idea, doesn’t it make sense? There’s a great saying I use all the time, it’s “garbage in, garbage out.” I find a lot of self talk among people involved in our Christian coaching, especially when it comes to leading people to Christ. We only have to plant the seed, He handles the rest.

Construction Has Been Complete

There’s a pastor family that has famously been known as THE evangelists in North America. Their life seemed perfect, and in many areas most would give anything for the life they had! Ruth Bell Graham has a tombstone that reads something that I want you to really sit back and think about. This is one of my favorite mindset coaching techniques do to the potential power it can have on your life. Although morbid when you think about it, it shows many different takeaways. Even those others consider to be greatly successful, realize there is always something to work on until the end.

End of Construction

Thank you for your patience

Tombstone of Ruth Bell Graham

Even as I write this post, I paused and reflected in it. I’m unsure of who is reading this, but regardless of where you are in your life stop for a second. I believe in you! I truly do, we all have the same ability to do better, to do the next right thing! We all have the ability to get out of our funks we encounter in life. We are human and make mistakes, however we have the ability to accept that mistake as a learning occurrence or can create a habit of it.

Look at the end of that paragraph, I mentioned we can create a habit. We can also work on changing that habit. Going back to the list above, there are a few examples where failure is assumed or ridiculed. I’m not sure who said it, but it resonates and I’d like you to take a peak at it before we move on.

Winners are losers who tried one more time”

Unknown, but powerful

That quote and the last part of the epitaph of Mrs. Bell Graham’s tombstone can be used together. Maybe not so much as a mindset coaching technique, but to build your character a bit. After you’ve been used to a habit for a while it becomes second nature. Be it stress eating or shooting heroin, taking a shot the second you walk in the door or being judgmental before knowing someone ingrained habits take time. You can work toward being your best, but you need to realize a habit of 3 months is easier, although still trying, to change than a habit of 20 years. It’s very possible to change though, people do it all the time, so why not you!? Let’s get more into self talk as I went down a rabbit hole, although it didn’t last as long as normal!

Self Mindset Coaching Technique #1 – Stick Up For Yourself!

Have you ever been around someone where they are going off on the failures of someone and want to say “give them a break man!” How often would someone say that to you if they saw you downgrading yourself? Think about that for a minute? If you’re willing to, or even just want to, stick up for someone else in that situation why can’t you do it for yourself? I’ve heard more than a handful of times “because I don’t deserve it.” When coaching and guiding them to explain why, the answer usually has to do with something from the past. In my role, the past is yesterday and it’s not my job to make a better yesterday. That’s actually my favorite saying, I got it form a wise man John Pelligrini who probably got it from someone else but I heard it from him first.

You can’t make a better yesterday

John Pelligrini

I took the saying and added on that you can live a better tomorrow. “You can’t make a better yesterday, but you can make a great tomorrow by living your best today.” And change is tough, but not impossible. “Yes it is.” SHUSH! You’re only making it tougher on yourself, so if you can’t tell yourself to ease up I’ll do it for you. Ease up man, cut yourself a break! Practice this mindset coaching technique, when you catch yourself down talking yourself stand up for yourself.

self mindset coaching technique

Self Mindset Coach Technique #2 – Kill Your Critic With Kindness

Would you tell a 3 or 4 year old to suck it up and they messed up? No way, you’d probably congratulate them for trying, say we all make mistakes, you did great and so on right? You need to take that same exact mindset and use it on yourself. Don’t tell your inner critic to just shut up, you’re be aggressive against your inner voice if you do! Like above, hearing something over and over again creates a habit or acceptance. So how do you hush your inner critic, your inner self critic? You use this mindset coaching technique!

Take the old adage, kill them with kindness, and talk to your inner voice as a child. Normally children may be scared when trying to do something new. They’re intimidated by their perceived lack of ability. Don’t tell yourself you’re going to fail off the bat, again would you tell a young child that? Even if it’s not so rudely thought don’t even go with “you’re probably not going to do well.” There’s a chance that you won’t do well and may slip, it’s common sense if you think about it. Instead, quiet your self critic down with something like “I’m going to try, and see how I do. I’ll try it again and do better if I don’t do that well!”

Kids have tantrums, and a calming voice works better at calming them than yelling, right? Kill your inner critic with kindness!

Self Mindset Coaching Technique #3 – Find Proof of the (Un)Truth!

The voice your mind can create through constant self talk can be rough. Myself for example I know I have multiple degrees, certificates, years of experience and vast amounts of life experience. So if I made a mistake on something years ago I had a voice that would ask “why are you so stupid!?” Or even during reflection and realizing I was getting up there in years “You really shouldn’t try to change, you’re past your prime.”

Although I would say those, and similar, things to myself they were inherently wrong! Now I’ll ask myself if I really just said that to myself. Actually, about a year ago I cracked myself up. I walked past a window and saw a distorted reflection of myself and said “oh man you’re fat!” I immediately countered, unfortunately in public and out loud, “At least I’m not ugly, I can drop this weight if I stop eating yogurt covered pretzels in bed.” I remember the clerk told me, there’s nothing wrong with yogurt covered pretzels.

Self Mindset Coaching Technique #4 – Destress!

This mind like anything else can act up when we are under stress. This is a self done mindset coaching technique, but also a part of self care. If you put too much stress on your leg for example, there’s a chance it could fracture right? Your mind is no different under stress. Although it may not outright fracture, you will surely not feel the most positive effects it is capable of. If you find you’re stressing, realize the source and work on it if you can’t outright eliminate it! There are tons of ways to do this:

  • Pray
  • Journal – which is good to do anyway!
  • Instead of stress eating, read a book
  • Write a foolish story -one of my favorite activities.
  • LAUGH!
  • Go for a bike ride
  • Close your eyes and take in nature’s self talk – birds chirping, waves crashing, the wind blowing, or rain falling for example.

Get use to practicing this mindset coaching technique regularly, and realize the peace that will come over you. Although this has little to do with bad self talk, that negative self talk will find an easier time creeping up if you are stressed.

Self Mindset Coaching Technique #5 – Stop Being a Jerk To Yourself and Show Some Appreciation!

This can be a tougher mindset coaching technique to master, again through use of hearing yourself. However, many I have met who self sabotage have trauma that was inflicted. Sometimes the lack of self appreciation is brought on by a toxic relationship. Whatever the reason, it is tough to practice self love. That’s understandable, however you can’t let it continue to beat yourself.

I forget who said it, but it was well put that you are in a relationship with yourself for your entire life. The beauty of relationships is that they can get better! You need to work on any relationship you are in, right? Working on the your own is no different. Do you want to be in a miserable relationship, just because you’re used to it? I was, and I have to tell you aside from being able to relate that my new relationship with myself is AMAZING.

Speaking to my fellow Christians, do you know I believe it is a sin to not love who you are? I bet you didn’t know that because many of you have never had the joy of being around me and my loud personality. I don’t do public speaking typically either, but I’m always game for a cup of coffee and bottle of water (I haven’t had coffee in years). I digress. The Bible makes it abundantly clear we are special to God. We are redeemed because of the shed blood of Christ! Maybe part of doing His work for you is to love yourself, appreciate yourself.

So let’s wrap it up, we have 5 different ways you can practice self mindset coaching techniques. Maybe you need an extra hand, and that’s fine we are here for you! Which of the self mindset coaching techniques above do you think you can work on? Which self mindset coaching technique do you feel will be the most difficult? Share your thoughts!

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Mindset Coaching Uncategorized

Mindset Coaching: A Nutshell View, 5 People Who Need a Coach and With a Free Mindset Game!

mindset coaching life coach mindset coach mindset game

Mindset Coaching Versus Life Coaching: Is it all the same?

Mindset coaching is often characterized as being the same as life coaching, however that’s not really the case at all. Think of the two as a diagram of the human body and each body is an area of coaching. Life coaching would cover from the top of the head to the bottom of the feet whereas mindset coaching is only the head. That’s not to take away from the importance of mindset coaching at all. In fact our mindset controls our perception, this is how we decide if the glass is half full, half empty, or that we’ve already enjoyed half of it.

Here’s where it gets confusing, a life coach can surely do mindset coaching, but a mindset coach may no do life coaching. Although a coach can practice in numerous areas and be highly successful at getting results, mindset coaches typically focus on… well the mind. In fact some coaches go as far as studying hypnotherapy for decades. If you’re in to that, it could help! We have seen too many negative results, albeit there are positive results we have seen, to even consider it. There are a variety of different forms and approaches that they use and undergo extra training on, as a few of us have.

From here out, most of this article is going to focus on mindset coaches unless there’s a need. It was important to clear that up though…

So what does a mindset coach help with aside from just saying the obvious “mind” aspects?

Glad you asked, different coaches will say different things however there is a general consensus of areas the mindset coach generally will find high levels of success. Instead of saying the mind, let’s say they focus on thoughts, how you think, and coach you toward seeing things differently. That’s not all, look at this handy list below:

  • Self confidence
  • Self perception
  • Motivating yourself
  • Decluttering your mind
  • Facing your fears
  • And general awareness and consciousness

Unlike traditional coaches, a mindset coach may talk to you more than ask you questions and that’s because they are more of what’s known as an “instruction” type of coach.

Want to try an exercise on your own?

Because we have been around for millenniums I probably did not think this up myself, however I have not seen it played or mentioned myself yet. It is similar to our Wheel of Life where you get to see your results in front of you! I’ve made this into a mindset coaching game:

  • 2 Players (You and someone else)
  • A notepad & Pen
  • A good unique story based around one of the following:
    • A goal you want to achieve
    • A day in your daily life
    • A realistic story about a dream you have

Even if it doesn’t sound fun yet, you can make anything fun. This story needs a beginning, middle and end. You are the narrator! In the story you are like one of those little block figures in Minecraft being guided around. There will be a beginning, middle, and end. Just like a real story. What was it like in the beginning? You need 2 small, but realistic problems you will face and one big obstacle! The problems have to be explained as well as the obstacle including if you got around it or not. Then an ending.

The other person is going to ask questions surrounding your problem BUT has to put their hand up! The questions have to be realistic as well, relating to the problems OR the actions of the guided you. They also have to write down your positive words and phrases used (can, was able to, etc) as well as your negative words and phrases used! DO NOT try for a score, it will defeat the purpose of the game which is to see where you are as far as a natural positive or negative mindset! A positive word/phrase is worth a point, a negative word deducts a point. At the end, check out your score.

mindset coaching life coach mindset coach mindset game

What’s The benefit of this game again?

You get to spend some quality time with a loved one or trusted friend instead of a mindset coach. You get to see how your mindset works positively or negatively by nature. Again, do not try for a score! This is a free mindset coaching game I have used and the results were pretty neat!