The last post we covered how to save a codependent relationship and we listed off 5 of 10 ways that are known to help fix a codependent relationship. Again, they take work! I may sound like a broken record, but once it sticks it will make sense. The reason it takes time to fix a codependent relationship, or really any habit or trait we have developed over time, is because we learn through repetition. We like, as living things do, to follow the path of least resistance. That includes when we want to find joy in life and salvage as well as fix a codependent relationship.
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Get Ready for Resistance When You Begin to Fix a Codependent Relationship
Who likes change? Nobody, and when you are serving the needs day in and day out as a people pleaser, the one receiving may push back hard. When you are working toward trying to fix a codependent relationship, you will probably face resistance. I have seen this a few times in my intimate relationships, especially lately. And although I am not actively trying to fix a codependent relationship, I saw areas where they could.
One situation was where someone was cleaning a packed car and I went over to drop something off. She was stressed to the max and was cleaning the car out in the heat. She asked a few people for a hand and nobody did, but they were quick with the gripes on how long it took and that they were running late for vacation. So I gave her a hand. She didn’t know what to do with herself, when I help especially if it’s a stressful situation I pretty much take over and “clean house” effectively.
It is typical for her to do a lot to please other people. That’s “who she is” because that’s who she let’s herself be. She was never a client, but a close friend/ex. She is slowly growing boundaries and although I don’t agree with them, there is some progress. She gets resistance when she asks for help. When she tries to make changes, people think the world is going to end! Easy Street gets a detour and it is typically not well received. If you want to fix a codependent relationship, you need to place a detour sign on easy street…
Although her experience was with a family, it just goes to show you can fix a codependent relationship that isn’t romantic. It can be in the house, in a work place, in a club. You name it, you can find a codependent relationship in any situation. My favorite book that explains this in the simplest terms is “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie” which I HIGHLY encourage adults to read for themselves as well as their children.
Practice Saying No
Saying no to people you love, especially when you are trying to fix a codependent relationship can be very tough. You’re used to saying yes, and it’s all but assumed you will say yes. This gets dicey when you start enacting change. You know you want to say no, but it’s almost like the word gets stuck leaving your mouth, right?
There’s freedom in saying no though! Much more than guilt or shame. When you’re trying to fix a codependent relationship saying no is important. What you’re doing is slowly increasing your role in the relationship. You’re justified in doing so, because it’s a relationship not a master/servant scenario.
Look Through the Eyes of Someone Else
I used to love playing pretend as a child, and it taught me how to be empathetic and really understand where people were coming from. When you are trying to fix a codependent relationship that could be the best way to start. Even if you don’t start here, it really needs to be in the plans.
You can do this yourself, or literally by asking someone outside of the codependent relationship what their thoughts are. What do they suggest? Another way is to look at your relationship through their eyes. If you were them, how would they fix your relationship? Or actually, how would you fix theirs, that makes more sense to ask it that way.
Fix A Codependent Relationship With Help!
If things in your relationship started great but got tougher, or you felt more pressure, as time went on it may be wise to get help. We obviously help with this all the time and you can contact us here for our relationship coaching or simply you for life coaching! In life we normally need a second set of eyes as it is no different when you are trying to fix a codependent relationship! Sometimes outside, professional help is needed and that’s okay!
Ask for Help to Fix a Codependent Relationship, Start Small!
Practice small things like if you, for example, typically clear off the table after dinner ask for people to scrape their plates into the rubbish! It starts with the small stuff. What you’re doing when you do this is slowly getting used to asking for help, and importantly letting people realize even if subconsciously that you may need a hand!
Start Taking Space up to Fix a Codependent Relationship!
Some people call this finding their voice, I call it taking space. Either way this is when you would slowly start interjecting yourself into the decisions and choices. You would be voicing your opinion, you would be taking your share of the relationship. This is typically the culmination for most people when they successfully fix a codependent relationship.
