Category: Mindset Coaching

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Christian Life Coaching Life Coaching Mindset Coaching Uncategorized

What’s New With Your Favorite Christian Life Coaches? One (Positive) Major Change!

So what’s new with your favorite Christian Life Coaches aka Guided Steps Coaching? A TON! I’m not even sure where to start. This will hopefully be a updated biweekly at a minimum life coaching blog or life coaching website whichever you prefer to call it. Over the last year I’ve done a lot of work with justice involved individuals to help stay in recovery and out of jail, and something hit me. Although it has nothing to do with Christian life coaches like us, but it really does, a common theme has been to stick to what we know is right.

I did take a “sabbatical” of sorts and worked with very few clients over the last year balancing this and a new day job for the first time in ages. I considered walking away but like other Christian life coaches, something pulled me back in. The something was a love for God, an ability in helping people achieve results and a desire to do things differently than others. Taking a prompt from God, I’ll still absolutely be doing Christian life coaching in a hybrid where I also apply it to the secular world. Will it work? It already has ;-).

CHALLENGE!!!! Think you can make a better design?! If I like it better I’ll pay you $25! Seriously. It’s got to be cooler than the one I made in 5 minutes above though, that’s a mando.

Biggest Difference Between Life Coaching and Christian Life Coaches?

Many life coaches actually do the same thing as we do with Christian life coaching believe it or not. Life coaching is when we get from where we are to a desired place of our choosing. Christian life coaches will help give you ideas, aspects and possibilities to pray on. As we invite the Holy Spirit into our coaching sessions, we allow God to show us where we need to go! A larger aspect of life coaching in a Christian sense is we seek not only result, but joy – one of the greatest (they’re all great, c’mon) gifts of the Holy Spirit which is… well joy!

Although it’s a lot tougher to do in the secular realm and could border on the idea of counseling*1, ways of thought, thinking, perspective and mindset are discussed. I’ll have to dig it up, however Christian life coaching/pastoral counseling I read had a significantly greater amount of “satisfaction” when used.

Misfit Mass! Church for the Unchurched is Where Our Christian Life Coaching Takes Hold!

Over the last year I started dabbling in more Christian life coaching by doing sermons. I’ve witnessed and seen what happens when the Bible is brought into our everyday lives. So to combine improving our lives with the proven truths of the Bible, I’ve began doing sermons online. The introduction will be in this post*2.

So What’s The Biggest Change in the Way We do Life Coaching and Guided Steps Coaching?

Still not entirely sold on that. What we were doing was working for a LOT of people! I was asked to key note (I hate traveling so that was an easy no), guest pastor (tough no) and speak more about Christian concepts (EASY yes!). Being said, aside from more frequent posts and potential “adjustments” to previous favorites the biggest change will be my scruffy mug giving videos. That’s mainly where I’ll REALLY be focusing on the Bible and Christ, so aside from a few videos you’ll still get what you’re accustomed to.

I got rid of the chin hair!

Considering I hate being on video as many know, I felt that one didn’t go too bad! I could have been more polished. The videos are pretty scatter brained and typically are under or around a half hour each. It’s a ministry sure, and if you’re not into the Biblical content, well I can’t deny my faith. However, I have a new goal to bring to life the Bible as in all my years between studying therapy and coaching through various systems I have not found anything nearly as reliable.

As I have lost a few clients, most are extremely intrigued, I will not push my faith. The concepts that work however will be discussed. Each video covers a bit of Scripture which I tie in to our brokenness. If you ever want to see what I’m like without buying a session (which are still reduced in number to prevent a price range which has not happened in almost 15 years!!) you get all of my personality in them! The topic of the video will be the topic of the post. Again, I have not found anything in decades of studying therapy, Christian life coaching or secular based life coaching that comes close.

Updates I am planning include for the Boundaries Book series we have. Another one will be for the 5 Productivity Minute Hack which I have been teaching regularly. And that’s that!

Other Updates from Your Favorite Christian Life Coach

A big reason I will be focusing more on this and less on the sessions is I truly want people to have help and solid advice available to them. I took the second job because I saw a panhandler in Fall River, Ma and it hit me “that’s who I want to help.” I did a deep dive and reflected and wondered why I as someone involved with Christian life coaching did not go after those who need it most. Now a day, who can afford over $125 no matter how helpful and beneficial the information is?

I will still absolutely be doing sessions, probably 20 per week at a maximum. However I am also open to the idea of bringing in other Christian life coaches that I vet. It is not set in stone but you could expect to see other coaches eventually. I’d love to focus on Christian life coaching and financial coaching which I never knew I enjoyed so much! Clients have seen very good to excellent progress in that area.

I will ALSO be giving away a free “life coaching” session. There’s a catch there, but it’s very reasonable. The course I made geared toward creating lasting change is something I truly believe in. For what you get out of it, it’s far cheaper than a movie for two or even a trip to McDonalds or Wendy’s! Although it’s not Christian life coaching, it’s a stellar academia backed course.

I am also debating between a few different not for profit companies or ministries I am deeply considering. They are mainly focused around the beatitudes and recovery. One in particular will be aimed toward reentry into a new sober life, another is focused around affordable living. The third one is still undecided, but watching the plights of this country and the residents trying but who cannot get ahead is breaking my heart.

So that’s where we stand! I may have been “gone” for a year, but it really was just a lack of time for writing and prioritizing where I placed the little time I have.

*1 I do practice pastoral counseling and have numerous times sent in referrals for traditional counselors.
*2 If you could like and subscribe to our channel that would be awesome! Why it’s important is beyond me, I’m just grateful to share the Word of God in a way most can understand.

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Mindset Coaching Relationship Coaching

10 Ways You Can Use to Unlock the Ability to Let Go of Resentment Starting Now!

positive quotes recovery quotes emotional quotes

Want to Let Go of Resentment? Start Here and Read to the End!

So we covered in depth how to get rid of resentment, how to handle resentment against someone, now we are going to discuss how to let go of resentment. It will be a bit of a read, I also included a table of content feature so we can have longer articles instead of just more articles!

If we want to let go of resentment, we have probably got to change some of our faults and habits, including our ways of seeing things and perception. The easiest path (because we have a path we set for you!) to changing a habit is with our Lasting Change product! There will take some work as we discussed previously that habits can be tricky to change.

Let Go of Resentment By Saying Adios to Yesterday

We have 11 different ways to let go of resentment. The first one is something that is discussed a lot in recovery circles. It is the fact that we cannot make a better yesterday. I can testify to the freedom of not living in yesterday anymore! It held me back and kept me stuck in a circle of the same behaviors because I was either trying to change, or mad (because I knew I couldn’t) change yesterday. When doing my steps through Celebrate Recovery Step Program, I was able to let go of resentment. It was painful, sure. But it takes work to get ahead.

Part of the freedom I found when I let go of resentment was I had moments of joy and beauty. I explained to my accountability team that I wanted to find joy. They explained that I was trying to do God’s job when I kept things a secret and would try to alter yesterday’s outcomes today. If I wanted to let go of resentment, I had to let go of yesterday. Not forget about it, but allow my journey to continue by moving on.

Let Go of Resentment by Accepting it is a State of Mind!

What’s an emotion? It’s a feeling. Anger is a feeling, however being angry or jealous are states of mind. Once you accept that your anger is controlling you, do the whatever resentment you want to let go of, you can slowly move toward recovering or being able to let go of resentment towards whatever it is bugging you.

resentment in a relationship

I’ll chime in and relate again. I was angry, can’t find much joy or peace when you are angry. I had no desire to let go of resentment against someone because I was comfortable – not happy – with my circle of chaos. Or so I thought, I was also drinking alcohol like a fish. I was literally stuck!

I found that cutting lose things that made me angry, like finally letting go of things out of my control, I became more and more joyful. I realized my poor state of mind was just that, and that was something I had control of. I wasn’t an angry person by nature, I chose to let myself stay angry!

Forgiveness is a Way to Let Go of Resentment Also!

I know people who hold grudges, even just the mention of someone’s name can send them up the wall! It literally changes their demeanor instantly. Imagine someone cracking up laughing and instantly looking at you with those “if looks could kill” eyes, that’s basically what their grudge gives them. It’s not hurting the other person though. Let go of resentment by practicing forgiveness.

If You Want to Let Go of Resentment You May Have to Look Inside Also..

Forgiving someone who you hold a resentment against does little for them. It frees you from the bondage of anger, maybe regret, and other nasty feelings, emotions, and states of mind we do not want to find our self in. But what about forgiving yourself?

This was actually one of my biggest struggles before I suffered a severe and long term relapse in 2018. It was also a major reason for the relapse. I was always mad and down on myself, but I never offered myself forgiveness for things I couldn’t change! I make mistakes occasionally still, but I resolve them as fast as possible. You should too.

Let Go of Resentment by Embracing Boundaries

These are tough, but not impossible especially if you use our Lasting Change method, to set in current relationships. However, by setting boundaries you increase the possibility of being able to let go of resentment because it has a lower chance to occur!

Setting boundaries are never fun, but they can be healthy protective nets for you. I have had to set some in life, in fact many. It hurts when someone runs into them and tries to get past them, because they have to go afterward. They no longer can have whatever place it was in my life because even if I choose to include them, they have a short leash. We will talk about boundaries on here before you know it.

Being a Life Coach in Massachusetts I have seen a ton of people needing boundary work! It’s almost like we have an epidemic of people with no boundaries. Without getting political, look at how kids learn the world revolves around them at an early age.

Let Go of Resentment by Looking at a Scar?

Yepper pepper pal! You can in fact let go of resentment by looking at your scars. They may be internal scars, but this is where you can use reflection! Reflection is an incredible tool that I will never encourage people to do enough! If you want to let go of resentment, reflection specifically on your scars can help. Maybe not so much how they got there, but realize how the source of those scars helped you to grow!

Let Go of Resentment With One of my Favorites!

A perspective shift could be just what you need to let go of resentment for good (eventually). Mindset, I’ve talked about at home mindset coaching techniques and such a few times and that is because I love the power of our minds! It can want us to stay in bed as we battle depression, or force us to get up because we are done losing and it’s our turn.

That leaves me with a question, can resentment cause depression? I am going to research the living daylights out of that soon. You know what’s funny, a few years ago I would have been mad at myself for not saying of course it can! I operate on researched facts though, that’s my motus operandi or whatever it is called. That also shows my shift in mindset.

Shifting your perspectives or mindset are not easy. It may feel like a battle you can’t win, but if you want to win the battle of letting go of resentment you have to put the work in. Take it day by day, if depression is keeping you in bed fight through that pain to get up because you did countless times before. You are a victorious individual and I am proud of what you’ve accomplished!

Let Go of Resentment By Singing a Song!

Can you really let go of resentment by singing a song? I can tell you there is a powerful song by Beyonce’s old group Destiny’s Child that can spearhead you in your journey to let go of resentment. She’s not along, there are many good songs including a bunch that are regulars in my morning worship list that can help you let go of resentment and they all focus on one thing, survivorship.

positive quotes recovery quotes emotional quotes

If you want to let go of resentment, you CANNOT live like a victim. If you keep feeling like a victim I will tell you now you will not let go of resentment. You won’t, I’ve seen it time and again with many clients. You have beat so many challenges already! I let go of resentment by realizing I am a loved, blessed, and redeemed child of God and He has already won. So for me, I am not a victim, I surely was however now I survive because I fight from victory.

You Have to be Accountable if YOU Want to Let Go of Resentment

I’ll repeat the section title, you have to be accountable if you want to let go of resentment. Accountability is something I personally have as a boundary because for some reason the blame game bothers me. I have done it a ton myself, pushing blame away from me, but I was hiding my part in the mess. My part would not allow me to let go of resentment, because I kept holding onto it even as I passed blame wherever I could.

My alcoholism and recreational drug use was everyone’s fault but my own. Doesn’t make any sense to me either, however it’s true. Or it was. I had to be accountable to myself and others if I wanted to let go of resentment after resentment. My part wouldn’t go away because it needed an owner. It’s not easy, however it is doable.

Let Go of Resentment by Being Grateful

I’m not saying you should say “Lord, I am glad Tommy punched me in the eye and I knocked him out. We both got suspended instead of just him!” However I believe we have a lot of animosity these days because we are not using gratitude, which is a key way to let go of resentment! Sort of weird, after all how can gratitude help to let go of resentment? Let’s take a quick peak.

I was incarcerated, I was an alcoholic, and tons of other negative experiences. I don’t regret (or resent haha it fits here as well!) any of that. In fact, I am grateful for my experiences. I used gratitude to let go of resentment, and I hardly have them anymore. When I do, again, I address them as soon as possible. I focus on the positive in every situation.

Life recovery Bible celebrate Recovery resentment step 4

Prison was incredibly boring, however it gave me a love for studying the Word of God. In fact, I have it right next to my Chromebook, because I read it at least once a day. Being in God’s presence is my happy place.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to attend Celebrate Recovery and AMAZING program. Turns out alcoholism wasn’t even my biggest issue! In fact that is where I learned I had to let go of resentment and that concept has stuck with me. Although I pretty much have to (I trained myself for that) because that’s when my Monday’s end, at 5:00 when I get ready to head over for a meeting and open share.

I’m grateful for being able to coach 13 people yesterday! It was a long day, however I saw positive results because of my help in 13 people. I saw someone overcome a life long issue and really thrive in the new situation they put themselves in! Gratitude, all of those could be a resentment however gratitude helped me let go of resentment. Coaching was never a resentment I had to let go of, however I did burn out before. I took a break, I adapted, and I had people constantly tell me to come back!

Gratitude is not just good for being able to let go of resentment. It’s a great way to live. You begin to look and notice the positives in life, and there are many of them. There’s either a blessing or a lesson in everything we encounter, and being able to let go of resentment for good is surely a blessing. But it took work.

Do You Want to Let Go of Resentment For Good?

If you want to free yourself from the grips of shame and misery that accompanies resentment, and finally let go of resentment you really need to consider our course literally named Lasting Change. It’s beyond cost effective for what you get out of it. It’s incredibly powerful, and it’s broken down into easy to digest modules. As an added bonus, you can get access and start TODAY!

let go of resentment
https://guidedstepscoaching.com/lasting-change-splash

We can also help you out! Grab a few sessions with me or one of our other seasoned coaches and let them help guide your steps as you walk the journey of finally being able to let go of resentment. Simply grab your slot here. Let’s let go of resentment together. Products & Services.

Here’s a FREE Gift!

Because you made it this far, I wanted to extend the offer of getting a free life assessment review. Simply leave a comment and we will shoot it over your way to the email you provide upon leaving a comment! Not bad, you get a $75 gift as well as learned 10 ways to let go of resentment!

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Mindset Coaching Relationship Coaching

11 Ways on How to Handle Resentment Against Someone Starting Now!

Resentments are no fun at all. In our last post we looked at what could be triggers for resentment. Without having too long of a post, I decided we could just do a Part 2 if you would. This post is all about how to handle resentment against someone, probably the first of many. You could also say it’s how to handle resentment, but we need a target. Not for practice, but how to overcome that resentment because at the end of the day, all it is going to do is wear you down. Who needs more stress in their day? I’d say nobody, let’s look at the ways on how to handle resent against someone.

How to handle resentment against someone? Start With Acceptance!

how to handle resentment against someone

Nobody wants to accept the fact they harbor ill feelings against someone, however this is the number one place if you want to work on how to handle resentment against someone. You’re going to have to practice acceptance of how you feel. Your emotions are valid. This isn’t good for just handling a resentment, but negative emotions toward another person in general.

What happens when we allow ourselves to accept and feel our emotions? It’s the beginning of a freedom feeling. Trust me, I’ve been there and you have to “feel it to believe it!” One common mistake people make when trying to accept their feelings is they bottle them up. This isn’t just counter productive, it can be dangerous for your mental health! Have you ever seen an individual simply “lose it” for no reason, or maybe because their was a spec of food left over on a plate? Not allowing yourself to feel your feelings is not a good place to be in. It’s added stress which is not good and works against how to handle resentment against someone!

Think of a backpack that is stuffed beyond what it is capable of holding, or a volcano with an incredible amount of gasses and whatever else they have inside them. What is going to happen if more gasses build up or we try and stretch the backpack a bit more? There’s a tremendously higher chance it will blow up, right?

emotional freedom how to handle resentment against someone

Sticking with acceptance regarding how to handle resentment against someone, you may want to take a review on our article on self talk. The reason I suggest that is because you are going to need to remember to be kind to yourself. This is especially true if you’ve been “packing the backpack” for a while. You’re going to have all sort of emotions and thoughts come up! Imagine clearing out the drain for the kitchen sink in a house that’s poured a gallon of grease down it a day. It will probably take a while to get it all out and some of it may come up out of the blue. That’s okay! When working on how to handle a resentment against someone, your drain may occasionally keep burping stuff up. Don’t push it back down, get rid of it. You need to be your own best friend here.

Don’t rush to judgement against yourself either! This goes back to mindset coaching techniques where we practice nice, pleasant, uplifting self talk. This is especially true if you are hard on yourself by nature! You may want to say “I worked on how to handle resentment against someone and look, a week later I am still dealing with it!” It’s not fair to judge yourself including how you feel. Again, your feelings are valid.

In “Conquer Fear” I wrote about the Serenity Prayer. If Christianity isn’t your thing, I apologize. For me, it works tremendously and is a part of almost everything I do. This next part of this article will speak specifically on that, a Christian viewpoint. Why is knowing how to handle resentment against someone important for a Christian? Because it’s sin… and we are called to not sin, right? Look at this verse and think about it:

Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother, then come and offer your gift.

Matthew 5:23-24

One of the most profound things I learned while working toward my Master’s degree was that God is the Great Counselor. He’s more than a few pay grades above me, and I am not ashamed to say that I have had countless sessions with Him. When I am surrendering my recovery and sobriety to Him daily, if there’s something there He gives a reminder. It’s almost like He is saying “Hey Jay, thanks for trying to glorify me! BUT, you sort of need to go over these feelings against someone first.” God knows a thing or two about how to handle resentment against someone.

We are humans who follow Christ. We are going to run into roadblocks and could stumble. But working on your relationship with Him and expressing your feelings to Him is freeing. Very freeing. It’s also freeing to discuss them with a close friend. Maybe we can’t, nor should we, immediately go directly to the source of our hurt. Processing our feelings is where we need to start. There’s wisdom in counsel, that’s discussed in the Word also!

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Mindset Coaching Uncategorized

Am I In A Codependent Relationship? 10 Ways to Know AND Ways to (Potentially) Save It!

What Is A Codependent Relationship?

In layman’s terms, a codependent relationship is a crappy relationship that will leave you feeling nervous, empty, and not happy. Another way to describe this type of red flag relationship is that it typically contains a giver and a taker. They can start very subtly and grow into a beast that can be tough to see, but there are ways out! So how do we figure out if we are in one? We have a list below with 10 “symptoms”. And also a quiz that can be taken here.

In a Codependent Relationship You Don’t Matter!

To everyone else you may, but to you they come before first. Way before you. In fact if you are the giver, you probably can’t afford to offer yourself self care (say that 10 times fast). It is extremely common to feel good when the taker is happy, it is also common for you to feel extremely guilty when you find yourself enjoying yourself. What is really scary about this symptom of a codependent relationship is that eventually you begin trying to pour from an empty cup.

It’s An Extremely One Sided Relationship. A One Sided Codependent Relationship

I sort of hinted in the opening paragraph about this one. It’s possible to have two codependent people in a relationship, however a giver and taker are more common. This symptoms has one person being a harder worker, picking up the slack for someone without necessarily realizing it. For example, the giver works all day and comes home and does whatever they asked the taker to do. There may be resentment, but typically nothing is said.

one way relationship

“I have to Save Them… From Themselves!”

This is where the giver acts more like a caregiver than a friend or significant other. What are you saving them from? It could be their addiction, it could be their anger also, do they “not do things” right in your eyes and you have to help them? You can feel like you want their “issues” to be solved more than anyone, including themselves! At the end of the day it is entirely up to them to create a lasting change. That includes all of their flaws, addictions, and whatever else is wrong for them. If you’re the sole care taker for them and they keep making the same mistakes you my friend are in a codependent relationship.

You’re The Potter, They’re The Clay

codependent relationship signs of codependent relationship codependent relationship quiz

This sign of a codependent relationship is extremely unhealthy. If you were someone else looking at it, you would probably even say “they don’t even really love them because they are trying to change them!” This is where the idea of the potter and the clay come in. You have them in this heap and you are constantly trying to adjust and decorate them so they become more of your dream person.

Take It Easy? Get Out of Here With That Evil Talk!

Similar, all of these traits are if you think about it, to another symptom of a codependent relationship this focuses on your selfishness. Do you feel off when you’re taking care of them? Asked in another way, when you’re by yourself with your feet in grass at a park or in a stream do you feel selfish for not doing something for them? Doing what? Well you should be doing something for them instead of taking care of yourself, right?

“Feeling excessive guilt for doing anything for yourself is another major characteristic,”

Dr. Derrig

How Do You Feel About Your Relationship? Well That’s a Tricky Question…

Do you find it tough to realize what is tough and what is glorious in your relationship? Is it a relationship where you have mixed feelings or emotions about, well all of it? Reflection is a beautiful and powerful tool we can use in life, and we thoroughly encourage it when we are engaged in mindset coaching. When you’re in a codependent relationship you find yourself more worried about their feelings than yours. The next one is a huge sign. Look at it after this picture break.

the most codependent creature alive
She is probably the most codependent “person” I know. She’s a sweetheart though.

Where Are They? I’m About to Freak Out!

One of the most common signs of a codependent relationship is feeling sick, worried, nervous, or that the world is going to fall apart if you haven’t heard from them. Have they read your message is a thought you wonder constantly, are they okay?! They must be doing something wrong or they could be in trouble. Quickly to the Stress Mobile to go and rescue them! Is that how it goes in your head? This is a symptom that you are in a codependent relationship. “Why am I like this?!” Well, it’s become you have probably become dependent on them, hence the term codependent relationship.

There’s Nobody Here!

Another sign you have entered or helped to create a codependent relationship is that you have trouble being alone. This can be either from the taker of the relationship or the fact you literally can’t care (read it as self care) for yourself. This is extremely common and a potential root cause has been from over-involved or under-involved parents when you were a little drool tot yourself. When you’re alone, you can’t put your focus into someone else and that bothers you.

I Can’t Make It Fred Has 5 Minutes Off in 5 Hours so I have to Be Available

If you are routinely cancelling plans because you need to spend time with your partner or whoever is the taker you are in a what? A codependent relationship, great guess! You may cancel plans with your family or other things, even attending a concert you were really looking forward to! Again, this is another red flag relationship symptom.

Your Home Isn’t Your Home

Did you ever redecorate something to make it more like home, for someone else? There is nothing wrong at all with making someone feel comfortable in your house, the difficulty comes when you make it all theirs. Here’s a tip if you get really down the second they leave, reorganize a small itty bitty section so that it feels more like “yours” when they aren’t there.

“I Hate to Bug You But… Nevermind, I’m Sorry”

Hate speaking up and voicing your opinion to them? You don’t feel like you are intimidated by them, but you need them happy and speaking up, well you may hear something you do not want to. Did I nail this one in your relationship? If so, let’s talk. This one hits home and even until somewhat recently maybe a year ago I was personally stuck here. I’m not anymore and that makes me feel tremendously free. In this symptom/sign of a codependent relationship you’re literally pushing your feelings aside and not giving them a chance to be validated. Guess what…. YOU have valid feelings!

The Big One…. B-B-B-Boundaries.. YIKES!

You finally get the guts and smallest sense of self worth to speak up and place boundaries, but they spiral out of control! The taker loses their crap, right? Setting up boundaries is going to be different and potentially scary for anyone involved. It’s different, right? It’s uncomfortable and they may feel like you are almost taking away from them! Welcome to the pain of a codependent relationship.

How Can We (Maybe) Save a Codependent Relationship?

codependent relationship quiz codependent relationship examples

I am really strict (read also being adamant) about my boundaries being respected, but in the beginning it was tough. When I took a step back and saw the pains and hell of a codependent relationship, I became aware that the negatives outweighed the positives. Most of the list I can easily relate to. I took some time for myself and I started to flourish. We had a very good patch after, but my biggest change was realizing I didn’t need her. I wanted her. I needed God first and foremost! I mean, He did save me from severe alcoholism.. Anywho there’s my mini testimonial. If the relationship was to be saved, how would we do it? Let’s look at the condensed list below, or you can jump into the Lasting Change Course we created! People are loving it and there’s amazing discounts that go along with it! Grab it right here, you won’t regret it!

Can it be Saved? Here’s The List!

  • Get UNBIASED (incredibly important) OUTSIDE perspective and CONSIDER that insight
  • Work on it together, do all parties want a healthy relationship? Get to working on it!
  • How is your value system doing these days? MAKE time to reflect – this is healthy and something we NEED to do in life! No guilt about it either.
  • Look at your earliest relationships, has this been a common trend?
  • Agree on the healthy boundaries! (Coach Jay is a beast at this when used as a “referee”), set them, and work on them! Do not expect perfection overnight
  • Be dedicated to the process of healing your codependent relationship.
  • Allow the giver to take. If the taker is reading this, be comfortable giving a little.
  • We all have feelings, EXPRESS THEM and when you get them toward you, ask for explanation when you are not sure!
  • Realize you are in a codependent relationship and you want it fixed!

Should I Leave?

If it is obscenely abusive emotionally or mentally, yes. If it’s physical GET OUT OF THERE! Those are literally the signs.

I Am In A Codependent Relationship, What do I do Now?!

There are a few things you can do. Get cracking on the “Can I Save it List”. Grab a consultation with us, explain the situation and we will help you work out a plan to get it done. If it’s safe (important consideration) for your physical safety, sign up for our Relationship Coaching and we will get through this together! Realize this is a process and there has to be change and take advantage of our course at it’s low price that you can use again and again and again! Grab the Guided Steps Lasting Change Course Here.

Realize This…

You matter, you have feelings, you have opinions, you have ideas. You have this ONE life and it is not too late to start turning it around NOW. The power is in your hands to change. Start believing in yourself because I sure believe in you. It’s time to stop the codependent relationship and enjoy a fruit bearing, mutually beneficial, and exciting relationship!

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Mindset Coaching

2 Anxiety Relief Tips: Guided Imagery and Deep Breathing

anxiety relief tips guided imagery deep breathing diaphragmatic breathing stress relief reduce anxiety

Anxiety relief is not talked about nearly as much as it should be. I’ll start by saying anyone can do this! But if you can barely make it out the door without freaking out, you need a therapist and that’s okay. Therapy has this stigma about it that you’re a nut job if you go, that’s not the case. Some people have issues that need monitored care, we are all people and handle things differently! I’m also going to quickly plug our new course which people are LOVING called Lasting Change – no anxiety with that course!

This post was inspired by an absolutely gorgeous woman inside and out, she really should be considered for sainthood when she kicks, and she got me thinking about anxiety relief. Then it hit me that most of my friends and loved ones have some issue with anxiety! I mean, I’m anxious to see if people will wisen up in two years when it’s election time, but no politics. So without further delay let’s check out how guided imagery and deep breathing can help with anxiety relief and I bet you’ll agree they are some pretty dandy anxiety relief tips!

What is Deep Breathing and Does it Really Help With Anxiety Relief?

What does deep breathing sound like it is? It’s exactly that, and I have been practicing it for over a decade now. Deep breathing is also known as intentional breathing “deep”ending (see what I did there?) on who you speak with, their vernacular, as well as their level of geekiness. I’m a moderate geek so I go with deep breathing, also some people who rank very high up on the geek scale will call it diaphragmatic breathing. It’s something you can do literally anywhere, however one thing to watch out for is dizziness! I tried this once in traffic and felt extremely odd, but that passes.

What we are doing with deep breathing is we are inhaling through our nose slowly, holding it in our now full lungs, and breathing out slowly. Sit in a comfortable chair and do this, or lay down. I have an easier time falling asleep when I do this laying down. Not only is this great to do for relieving stress and anxiety, it has the possibility of having some physical benefits too. Some worth noting are potentially stabilizing blood pressure and slowing down your heart rate. Pretty nifty right?

Guided Imagery is What Exactly, and How Do Mental Pictures Help With Anxiety Relief?

This is a really cool exercise to do and trust me, it helps – big time! In fact I know people who could be having a meltdown, take a fast break by jumping into some guided imagery and come back on fire. Not literally because then I wouldn’t explain it to you. This takes your entire imagination and can eventually have you using all five senses at once. I will listen to Gregorian chants or something like that when doing this, but you can really do it anywhere with any type of music although I would recommend a soothing violin playing versus Janis Joplin.

Isn’t This Against Christianity?

It absolutely is not, I picture myself in Christs presence all the time when I am doing this. Occasionally I will picture myself preaching to someone. I go to my happy place mentally when I do this. You can get in trouble if you have naughty thoughts going through your mind, but that’s between you and God. For me focusing on God is the best form of anxiety relief around.

anxiety relief tips guided imagery deep breathing diaphragmatic breathing stress relief reduce anxiety

Guided Imagery and Deep Breathing in Action Providing You With Anxiety Relief

Going back to the woman who inspired this post she likes beautiful things.So here’s what we will do, imagine there’s a harp playing softly. There’s a window open to rolling green field with mountains in the back drop. You are near an open window. In the window are freshly cut lilacs filling the room with their scent. As you deeply breath in, you smell them. Breath a little deeper and hold their aroma in your lungs. Slowly breathing out. As you’re breathing out, the anxiety is fighting to stay. But it’s having trouble staying as it is trapped in each breath you hold in. As you slowly exhale the Holy Spirit guides your anxiety out, more each time you exhale. As you watch out the window you see a bird land on your window sill. It takes a peaceful poo and flies away. With each gentle breeze you feel the warmth of the sun hitting your face as the smell of the lilacs become stronger. As you feel relaxed, you tell yourself that everything is okay and you will go share this post now.

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Mindset Coaching

Mindset Coaching Technique: How Self Talk Can Kill Your Progress and 5 Ways to Change It

self mindset coaching technique ruth bell graham epitaph tombstone life coaching and using positive self talk

Mindset Coaching Technique You Drop The Ball On!

Do you know there’s someone you are around literally all day that can either be a foe or an ally, often not on purpose? That’s you! Self talk is a mindset technique that many people use by nature. From the conversations I’ve heard people having with themselves, it seems they are almost trying to set themselves up to fail! When it comes to mindset coaching techniques you can do at home, there’s one that could be obvious to work on but it normally isn’t. Positive self talk!

Do These Examples Fit You?

  • As soon as you open your eyes, you say you’re going to have a bad day
  • You sin without even thinking about it and you shame shame yourself perpetually
  • You always pick the losers, you’re either going to be single forever or end up miserable
  • Can you try not to screw this up again?
  • You really can’t do anything right can you?
  • You’ve really just wasted your life and can’t do anything with the rest of it.
  • You’re such an idiot.
  • Don’t talk, your probably going to embarrass yourself as usual!
  • You should have led that person to Christ, why didn’t you say anything you failure?
  • What a dumby, you really thought you could handle one drink??!! Years later, look at you, you’re a wreck!
  • You can’t teach an old dog new tricks, I’m going to be a loser forever.

Imagine hearing things like what’s above or similar to it. Day in and day out. Week after week and month after month. Doesn’t it make sense you may actually believe it? Many people get snared by using poor self talk; when in all actuality you could be using an incredible mindset coaching technique, or more which you will find below! These are a few of the mindset coaching techniques we use ourselves to help change your way of thinking and seeing yourself.

If you’re saying negative ideas or statements first thing in the morning, you probably will have a rough time having a good day. Think about that idea, doesn’t it make sense? There’s a great saying I use all the time, it’s “garbage in, garbage out.” I find a lot of self talk among people involved in our Christian coaching, especially when it comes to leading people to Christ. We only have to plant the seed, He handles the rest.

Construction Has Been Complete

There’s a pastor family that has famously been known as THE evangelists in North America. Their life seemed perfect, and in many areas most would give anything for the life they had! Ruth Bell Graham has a tombstone that reads something that I want you to really sit back and think about. This is one of my favorite mindset coaching techniques do to the potential power it can have on your life. Although morbid when you think about it, it shows many different takeaways. Even those others consider to be greatly successful, realize there is always something to work on until the end.

End of Construction

Thank you for your patience

Tombstone of Ruth Bell Graham

Even as I write this post, I paused and reflected in it. I’m unsure of who is reading this, but regardless of where you are in your life stop for a second. I believe in you! I truly do, we all have the same ability to do better, to do the next right thing! We all have the ability to get out of our funks we encounter in life. We are human and make mistakes, however we have the ability to accept that mistake as a learning occurrence or can create a habit of it.

Look at the end of that paragraph, I mentioned we can create a habit. We can also work on changing that habit. Going back to the list above, there are a few examples where failure is assumed or ridiculed. I’m not sure who said it, but it resonates and I’d like you to take a peak at it before we move on.

Winners are losers who tried one more time”

Unknown, but powerful

That quote and the last part of the epitaph of Mrs. Bell Graham’s tombstone can be used together. Maybe not so much as a mindset coaching technique, but to build your character a bit. After you’ve been used to a habit for a while it becomes second nature. Be it stress eating or shooting heroin, taking a shot the second you walk in the door or being judgmental before knowing someone ingrained habits take time. You can work toward being your best, but you need to realize a habit of 3 months is easier, although still trying, to change than a habit of 20 years. It’s very possible to change though, people do it all the time, so why not you!? Let’s get more into self talk as I went down a rabbit hole, although it didn’t last as long as normal!

Self Mindset Coaching Technique #1 – Stick Up For Yourself!

Have you ever been around someone where they are going off on the failures of someone and want to say “give them a break man!” How often would someone say that to you if they saw you downgrading yourself? Think about that for a minute? If you’re willing to, or even just want to, stick up for someone else in that situation why can’t you do it for yourself? I’ve heard more than a handful of times “because I don’t deserve it.” When coaching and guiding them to explain why, the answer usually has to do with something from the past. In my role, the past is yesterday and it’s not my job to make a better yesterday. That’s actually my favorite saying, I got it form a wise man John Pelligrini who probably got it from someone else but I heard it from him first.

You can’t make a better yesterday

John Pelligrini

I took the saying and added on that you can live a better tomorrow. “You can’t make a better yesterday, but you can make a great tomorrow by living your best today.” And change is tough, but not impossible. “Yes it is.” SHUSH! You’re only making it tougher on yourself, so if you can’t tell yourself to ease up I’ll do it for you. Ease up man, cut yourself a break! Practice this mindset coaching technique, when you catch yourself down talking yourself stand up for yourself.

self mindset coaching technique

Self Mindset Coach Technique #2 – Kill Your Critic With Kindness

Would you tell a 3 or 4 year old to suck it up and they messed up? No way, you’d probably congratulate them for trying, say we all make mistakes, you did great and so on right? You need to take that same exact mindset and use it on yourself. Don’t tell your inner critic to just shut up, you’re be aggressive against your inner voice if you do! Like above, hearing something over and over again creates a habit or acceptance. So how do you hush your inner critic, your inner self critic? You use this mindset coaching technique!

Take the old adage, kill them with kindness, and talk to your inner voice as a child. Normally children may be scared when trying to do something new. They’re intimidated by their perceived lack of ability. Don’t tell yourself you’re going to fail off the bat, again would you tell a young child that? Even if it’s not so rudely thought don’t even go with “you’re probably not going to do well.” There’s a chance that you won’t do well and may slip, it’s common sense if you think about it. Instead, quiet your self critic down with something like “I’m going to try, and see how I do. I’ll try it again and do better if I don’t do that well!”

Kids have tantrums, and a calming voice works better at calming them than yelling, right? Kill your inner critic with kindness!

Self Mindset Coaching Technique #3 – Find Proof of the (Un)Truth!

The voice your mind can create through constant self talk can be rough. Myself for example I know I have multiple degrees, certificates, years of experience and vast amounts of life experience. So if I made a mistake on something years ago I had a voice that would ask “why are you so stupid!?” Or even during reflection and realizing I was getting up there in years “You really shouldn’t try to change, you’re past your prime.”

Although I would say those, and similar, things to myself they were inherently wrong! Now I’ll ask myself if I really just said that to myself. Actually, about a year ago I cracked myself up. I walked past a window and saw a distorted reflection of myself and said “oh man you’re fat!” I immediately countered, unfortunately in public and out loud, “At least I’m not ugly, I can drop this weight if I stop eating yogurt covered pretzels in bed.” I remember the clerk told me, there’s nothing wrong with yogurt covered pretzels.

Self Mindset Coaching Technique #4 – Destress!

This mind like anything else can act up when we are under stress. This is a self done mindset coaching technique, but also a part of self care. If you put too much stress on your leg for example, there’s a chance it could fracture right? Your mind is no different under stress. Although it may not outright fracture, you will surely not feel the most positive effects it is capable of. If you find you’re stressing, realize the source and work on it if you can’t outright eliminate it! There are tons of ways to do this:

  • Pray
  • Journal – which is good to do anyway!
  • Instead of stress eating, read a book
  • Write a foolish story -one of my favorite activities.
  • LAUGH!
  • Go for a bike ride
  • Close your eyes and take in nature’s self talk – birds chirping, waves crashing, the wind blowing, or rain falling for example.

Get use to practicing this mindset coaching technique regularly, and realize the peace that will come over you. Although this has little to do with bad self talk, that negative self talk will find an easier time creeping up if you are stressed.

Self Mindset Coaching Technique #5 – Stop Being a Jerk To Yourself and Show Some Appreciation!

This can be a tougher mindset coaching technique to master, again through use of hearing yourself. However, many I have met who self sabotage have trauma that was inflicted. Sometimes the lack of self appreciation is brought on by a toxic relationship. Whatever the reason, it is tough to practice self love. That’s understandable, however you can’t let it continue to beat yourself.

I forget who said it, but it was well put that you are in a relationship with yourself for your entire life. The beauty of relationships is that they can get better! You need to work on any relationship you are in, right? Working on the your own is no different. Do you want to be in a miserable relationship, just because you’re used to it? I was, and I have to tell you aside from being able to relate that my new relationship with myself is AMAZING.

Speaking to my fellow Christians, do you know I believe it is a sin to not love who you are? I bet you didn’t know that because many of you have never had the joy of being around me and my loud personality. I don’t do public speaking typically either, but I’m always game for a cup of coffee and bottle of water (I haven’t had coffee in years). I digress. The Bible makes it abundantly clear we are special to God. We are redeemed because of the shed blood of Christ! Maybe part of doing His work for you is to love yourself, appreciate yourself.

So let’s wrap it up, we have 5 different ways you can practice self mindset coaching techniques. Maybe you need an extra hand, and that’s fine we are here for you! Which of the self mindset coaching techniques above do you think you can work on? Which self mindset coaching technique do you feel will be the most difficult? Share your thoughts!

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Mindset Coaching Uncategorized

Mindset Coaching: A Nutshell View, 5 People Who Need a Coach and With a Free Mindset Game!

mindset coaching life coach mindset coach mindset game

Mindset Coaching Versus Life Coaching: Is it all the same?

Mindset coaching is often characterized as being the same as life coaching, however that’s not really the case at all. Think of the two as a diagram of the human body and each body is an area of coaching. Life coaching would cover from the top of the head to the bottom of the feet whereas mindset coaching is only the head. That’s not to take away from the importance of mindset coaching at all. In fact our mindset controls our perception, this is how we decide if the glass is half full, half empty, or that we’ve already enjoyed half of it.

Here’s where it gets confusing, a life coach can surely do mindset coaching, but a mindset coach may no do life coaching. Although a coach can practice in numerous areas and be highly successful at getting results, mindset coaches typically focus on… well the mind. In fact some coaches go as far as studying hypnotherapy for decades. If you’re in to that, it could help! We have seen too many negative results, albeit there are positive results we have seen, to even consider it. There are a variety of different forms and approaches that they use and undergo extra training on, as a few of us have.

From here out, most of this article is going to focus on mindset coaches unless there’s a need. It was important to clear that up though…

So what does a mindset coach help with aside from just saying the obvious “mind” aspects?

Glad you asked, different coaches will say different things however there is a general consensus of areas the mindset coach generally will find high levels of success. Instead of saying the mind, let’s say they focus on thoughts, how you think, and coach you toward seeing things differently. That’s not all, look at this handy list below:

  • Self confidence
  • Self perception
  • Motivating yourself
  • Decluttering your mind
  • Facing your fears
  • And general awareness and consciousness

Unlike traditional coaches, a mindset coach may talk to you more than ask you questions and that’s because they are more of what’s known as an “instruction” type of coach.

Want to try an exercise on your own?

Because we have been around for millenniums I probably did not think this up myself, however I have not seen it played or mentioned myself yet. It is similar to our Wheel of Life where you get to see your results in front of you! I’ve made this into a mindset coaching game:

  • 2 Players (You and someone else)
  • A notepad & Pen
  • A good unique story based around one of the following:
    • A goal you want to achieve
    • A day in your daily life
    • A realistic story about a dream you have

Even if it doesn’t sound fun yet, you can make anything fun. This story needs a beginning, middle and end. You are the narrator! In the story you are like one of those little block figures in Minecraft being guided around. There will be a beginning, middle, and end. Just like a real story. What was it like in the beginning? You need 2 small, but realistic problems you will face and one big obstacle! The problems have to be explained as well as the obstacle including if you got around it or not. Then an ending.

The other person is going to ask questions surrounding your problem BUT has to put their hand up! The questions have to be realistic as well, relating to the problems OR the actions of the guided you. They also have to write down your positive words and phrases used (can, was able to, etc) as well as your negative words and phrases used! DO NOT try for a score, it will defeat the purpose of the game which is to see where you are as far as a natural positive or negative mindset! A positive word/phrase is worth a point, a negative word deducts a point. At the end, check out your score.

mindset coaching life coach mindset coach mindset game

What’s The benefit of this game again?

You get to spend some quality time with a loved one or trusted friend instead of a mindset coach. You get to see how your mindset works positively or negatively by nature. Again, do not try for a score! This is a free mindset coaching game I have used and the results were pretty neat!