Setting Boundaries Relationships and You – Can It Be it Too Late to Set Boundaries? 3 Answers: Yes, Probably Not, Maybe.

Starting to wrap up the Boundaries Book aren’t we? This article, “Setting Boundaries Relationships and You – When is it Too Late to Set Boundaries?” and then how to actually set boundaries! This is an incredibly important topic and there is a tough question to answer. When setting boundaries relationships can take a hit, I experienced this personally and I have coached people and seen when it comes to setting boundaries relationships can do one of three things and we need to be ready for all of them. When setting boundaries relationships can adjust and thrive, go through a rough patch and maybe survive, or burn and crash.

Setting Boundaries Relationships and You – Can It Be it Too Late to Set Boundaries? Yes

When considering setting boundaries relationships do in fact have an expiration date!. Life surely has no known timestamp on our lives, this is good and bad when you realize that when setting boundaries relationships will have a chance to thrive. This is especially true when you realize nothing aside from God’s kingdom will last forever.

There comes a time when the contemplation or realization for setting boundaries in relationships takes too long and the figurative ship begins to sail. It could be that last action, inaction, statement, or literal death that causes that timestamp to be shown and the possibility for salvaging and improving that relationship to arrive too late.

How do you know if the setting boundaries relationship time marker has come? Sometimes that is up to you to decide, sometimes it is totally dependent on someone else, and as you saw above sometimes it is dependent on God if it’s too late

We saw with God it’s easy to know if it’s too late, we see that when He decides an earthly existence for you or whoever is complete. So, if we don’t consider death what else is permanent? Nothing, literally. Nothing in life is permanent aside from taxes, birth, and death. So when it comes to setting boundaries relationships do have an expiration date where it is too late.

One curve ball is when the relationship is over. It surely has to be too late to set boundaries than right? For that relationship, potentially. I have to say the caveat there is that there exists too many variables for anyone to ever say for certain. I’ve seen people do almost unthinkable things to each other, have extremely toxic relationships, and still after a decade long break work things out and have a fruitful relationship. A few things will block this though:

• Death, because that’s certain and permanent
• A “sour taste in their mouth” attitude, think resentment here
• Blatant refusal

I firmly believe everything has a chance when there is “no hope”. People change, especially those who take out Lasting Change course. Considering that many other factors work in favor against the short list above, setting boundaries relationships could always stand a chance!

Let’s proceed!

Setting Boundaries Relationships and You – Can It Be it Too Late to Set Boundaries? Maybe.

Let’s take the above and expand on it a bit. We now know there is always hope, however when it comes to setting boundaries relationships will obviously differ, even relationships one person has with others. Look at addiction, it’s really a situation that has many circle of events that you can’t really predict. For the giver in a codependent relationship, will they be able to stop enabling whether that enabling is providing a roof and food, a ride so they know the receiver is safe, or money so the receiver is less likely to commit a crime?

When it comes to setting boundaries relationships are going to require a lot, such as determination, consistency, desire, probably help for long ingrained issues, persistence, patience, hope, support, and dedication. Acceptance is tricky as we could simply be continuing the boundary issues in the relationship in a different light. When you are accepting different allowances and dis allowances you are opening the door for confusion and potentially reversion to the situation prior to the attempt at setting boundaries.

I can speak to the maybe here. A dear friend has a child who was messed up in some pretty serious things specifically gangs and drugs. This relationship had established boundaries which were constantly ignored by one of the parents yet enforced by the other parent. The difficulty here is the strain the violations had on the relationship. Divorce occurred and the child spiraled out of control.

Reunification was needed as the state had to step in and remove the child from the household of the parent who enforced the boundaries! Makes no sense, right? When the fact that manipulation was a tool used by the child it will. A codependent relationship can involve multiple people, this one involved two givers and one receiver. One giver gave to another giver who in turn helped the receiver. So how did this pan out?

Although there was divorce and a need for reunification with the child, we worked diligently with the parties, the receiver’s therapist and me acting as a life coach. The first step was the lasting change course and an idea of what an agreed upon big picture looked like with both of the givers. Then we set boundaries which were very flimsy in the beginning. However there was another reunification, the marriage between the two givers!

It was a perfect storm, however instead of slamming boundaries down at the drop of a dime they were incrementally put into place at the suggestion of the therapist and myself. It wasn’t easy, however the severity of the ramifications for both the enforcing giver (both wanted the relationship to work, the enforcer had a more difficult time adjusting to reasonable boundaries which is discussed in the Lasting Change course) and receiver became more reasonable. Rebellion was handled differently. A lack of communication was the root problem for all involved.

So how does this fit with “Setting Boundaries Relationships and You – Can It Be it Too Late to Set Boundaries? Maybe.” topic? Easy, as it is uncommon that marriages that end in divorce are reengaged we see clearly how this is a situational concept. It could be too late, if the enforcing giver wouldn’t budge the same spiral could have continued.

Setting Boundaries Relationships and You – Can It Be it Too Late to Set Boundaries? Nope

Finality is ultimately the key here. There is a chance that people can change. Look at that Disney movie with Scrooge McDuck! I bring that up because I miss good ole fashioned Disney and it shows a great example of how we never know the ending of something. People can have a change of heart.