What You'll Find Here
What is Self Talk?
Self-talk is the way you talk to yourself, or your inner voice. You might not be aware that you’re doing it, but you almost certainly are. This inner voice combines conscious thoughts with inbuilt beliefs and biases to create an internal monologue throughout the day.
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I began talking to someone who became basically a best friend to me, we share a lot. One thing in specific she shared resonates with me when I envision self talk. “Sometimes I tell myself, you got this Squish.” She’s by no means a large girl, but the self talk I see is where she acts as her own personal cheer leader “you got this.” As you read this article, I have a small challenge for you to do on a day off as well as during a busy day. Here’s the challenge:
Self Talk Challenge
Get a small piece of paper of something similar, and take note of two things each in their own column. One column is for positive self talk, the other column is for negative self talk. I’d love to hear your results. Does it have to be during a busy day and a day off? Of course not, you can take part of a busy day and part of a relaxed time during the same day. Give it a shot and see how you do!
Positive Self Talk
There was a great basketball player named Karl Malone who would talk to himself when shooting free throws regularly. Nobody knows what he would say, only himself. But it shows that he understood the power of self talk and would deliberately speak to himself prior to shooting his free throws. He didn’t typically miss many free throws, he was an amazing basketball player and reached the Hall of Fame. Which type of self talk do you think he used?
I’d wager, although I don’t gamble, that he used positive self talk. We will dig into each of the levels in a bit. Even if you use positive self talk regularly, you still won’t be successful on every attempt at whatever you are attempting. However, what you’re doing with positive self talk versus negative self talk is training your mind to be more positive.
What are some Benefits of Positive Self Talk?
I’ll provide a list below, however positive self talk, your inner dialogue you have with yourself in general leads to more positivity. Some aspects I have an issue believing, such as having more stamina, however positive self talk is simply…. more positive! That makes sense right? Heading back to the stamina idea briefly, I can see some minute merit, however unless it is mental stamina for say a doctor or prosecutor I see little on how self talk can effect a physical aspect. There is some merit also to psychosomatic however it is far too long to get into for this article. Let’s look at some of the effects from positive self talk that I do agree with:
- Lower amounts of mental fatigue
- Less stress
- Greater life satisfaction
And there are a few physical health benefits as well such as:
- Better immune function (correlates to lower stress which I am sold on)
- Reduced risk of early death (see above)
- Increased vitality
Positive self talk in a nut shell has been shown to lead to a more successful and enjoyable life. As mentioned above, not in these words, nothing will ever go as planned all the time. However, when you are used to positive self talk you are also able to destress far faster which makes stressful situations, less stressful!
What About Negative Self Talk?
Want to guess what the negative to negative self talk/negative inner dialogue is? If you guessed the opposite of positive self talk you nailed it! What’s funny is that this is almost an identical Yin to positive self talk’s Yang! Let’s look at some negative effects:
- People with depression and anxiety typically engage in negative self talk!
- Higher risk of self harm
- Reduced sex drive
- Isolation
- Minimal desire to be outgoing or even attend events with people close to you
The list honestly gets worse, negative self talk suffice to say can be a literal nightmare. Sometimes therapy is all but required, and that’s OK. If you took part in the challenge I have above, you probably see there’s work to be done. Having work to be done is also okay, as I pointed out in a previous article the epitaph for Ruth Bell Graham. A quick reminder, her tombstone said, paraphrased, that construction was completed once she had passed.
The key here is not only to realize you have a negative inner dialogue, but to address it and change it. We are here if you need help, or you can be like others who have addressed their inner dialogue successfully with our “Four Steps to Lasting Change” course here.
4 or 5 Levels of Self Talk?
Are there four or five levels of self talk? Just like with theology, psychology, and any other “ology” there is some fighting around this topic. There could be five levels, however the “final” level I feel is not only near impossible to reach during your lifetime, it is a dangerous area as far as mental health goes. Again, this is my opinion and I am not a licensed therapist. An interesting foot note is not many of the licensed counselors or therapists I met give much credence to attaining a fifth level of self talk. It will be briefly discussed along with the others, however don’t break yourself trying to get there.
The first level of self talk is the low side of a 1 through 4 scale. You talk down on yourself, there are many self limiting beliefs that you say, even if you don’t hear them from everyone else. You’re rather hard on yourself. I’ve been there myself, and before I worked on it through the course mentioned above (I practice what I preach!) I would find myself in dark spots for ages! I still get there, I’m human, however I have no more “bad periods” of a month but rather a few minutes. If you find yourself hanging around this type of inner dialogue, you surely want to change the conversation!
The second level moves us up a notch on the positive/negative scale of self dialogue/inner dialogue. This level isn’t as bad. This is our “realization” level. This level many say we have to get out of, and I agree we shouldn’t stay there as we want to progress to the top level, however this level is a huge improvement from the lower level! In life, especially if you struggle with anxiety or depression or just as I call it “blahness” we need to embrace progress and victory.
Again, we don’t want to train ourselves or program out mindset to accept and stay on this level, but we are improving. If you stay here too long you could be looking at developing a guilt issue. I myself struggled with guilt for ages and that was tough to get out of, but I did!
Third level is where we start to see groundwork being done. This level is where we accept the concept of “getting better”. It’s really a milestone for people who have poor self talk habits and programming. As you saw in the graphic above, you have a lot of “I no longer” talk because you’re accepting of your progress!
The fourth level is where you want to get to and stay at. It’s the highest level, in my humble opinion, of self talk and the safest area to program yourself and work toward. This is where you really see the self belief take a foothold in your life. There is a lot of positive going on, leading to more contentedness. Here’s a video below that recaps these. It’s 12 minutes and change, but I can’t help being long winded. Nothing wrong with that, most people enjoy being around my personality!
